Sweet Dream

Me
Myself
My true desire
Just me.

Sweet Dream
the cotton candy that pushes me forward
sweet
comforting
my own true desire
Known only to me,
and yet through me
untouchable.
My dreams are my focus point,
my desire to live.
They exist in colours unrecognisable to my waking eye,
colours known only to my soul.

My sweet dream
so soft and comforting
my love
my wish
my anguish
my pain
my tormentor
my unrelenting desire
my existence
I see my sweet dream as my creator
I want to reach it
to slide gently into its warm arms and rest.

Yet is this where I wish to be?
Sweet Dream
My unobtainable.
Would it give me comfort to rest gently in its existence?
would my story end?
Where does my dream reside?
I question my place within it.
See my desire
ever changing, illuding ,
that one step ahead drawing my forwards to reach my goal.

My dream is existence.
No material possesion or place can contain it.
It resides within nature.
Being
The true essence of self.

In my life i am blessed.

showered with beauty and untold prosperity
yet i suffer from discontent.
always wanting more
looking around at what else is going on.
I am unfocused and wrestless.
This brings a great sadness
No community
No home
No absolute moments
over indulged with self pity.

I begin to see, begin to break through the illusion only to spiral downwards, spinning my focus out and reflecting on my place within the world.

My place is here. my place is my moment. nothing external can be my home.

i find peace within and feel my existance in the earth, with the earth. she is my mother, my energy, i cradle in her warm arms.

Walls create and arise from attachment
built around ourselves until we believe we cannot be free.
They come in stages. one broken down only to reveal another built around it
When will we be free?
Strength comes from the understanding that this will come. An ancient understanding drawn from the depths of our evolution. We Search.
Seek to know more.
Be humbled by the knowledge that we are existing as we always have been and always shall be. We are.
This knowledge cannot be contained, it has no barriers. Through an understanding that we know nothing we cannot build walls, we can only exist. we are not living in time or place only in moments, each moment setting free as soon as it exists and being replaced by the next.
Sometimes my walls appear unexpectedly.
Moments of freedom suddenly being boxed in,
bound,
entrapped,
dragged down, unrelenting and forced by fear and worry.
A continuous cycle of joy only to be thrown back into negativity, confinement.
My walls come from thinking
Actions carried out as opposed to freely flowing with life.

I'm sitting in a place where there are no walls, no confines, a great expanse of nature, rolling and flowing with perfect harmony. Yet i have been amongst this with doubt.
Gone inside my head.
i've missed so much beauty by looking inwards, focusing on my fears and worries instead of simply being.
3 Days of inner turmoil and confusion, when i have been travelling through and existing in places where these hold no importance.
Let go.
I have let go.
A freezing dip into an icy pool released my minds grip over my body and i connected back with the earth, felt the sun warm my frozen skin and was released.

Through thinking about my walls and prisons i have created one.
Through looking for freedom i built a fence around myself.

I now sit beside a river, continually moving in its jolly babble. my thoughts flow with the current, uncontained and free.
i can feel my toes, growing colder as the sun dips behind a cloud, the solid rock beneath them existing as it always has done.
I am humbled.
I am free.


http://forestdrama.blogspot.com

.
I must follow
my feet
They travel with
the energy of life
.